“All of the sudden, you were gone.”
It’s true. I vanished from the blogging world. I have no logical answer as to why. Writing nagged at the back of my mind since my last post back in 2017. For those who were tracking with me, I left you hanging. I disappeared with no ending. And I am sorry. The best explanation I have is, I got lost.
Lost. Not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. I guess I expected more from my trip. I just expected it to be a stepping stone that it would lead me to the next “big thing.” Instead, it lead me back to where I started with seemingly no new direction of life.
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt like you have spent a lot of time, effort and possibly money on something that felt really big just to be left with an anticlimactic ending? What do we do in those times? Where do our thought processes go? I can tell you where mine went…to frustration and depression.
I can honestly say that for the past year or two I have turned inward and battled emotions that I have not seen for over ten years. A well-traveled friend warned me, “There is an emotional cycle that comes with big travel experiences. First when you arrive home, you are readjusting to “old life” by getting reacquainted with family, friends and surroundings. Watch out for the two week, two month and six month markers. Disappointment and depression seem to show up unexpectedly.” How right she was.
At week two, I felt it. Since our conversation was still fresh in my mind I was able to draw from it, reminding myself that these feelings were simply part of the cycle. At two months, I felt it. My friend asked me how long it I had been home from backpacking and reminded me of the two month mark which allowed me to wait it out by drawing on the idea that again, this was simply part of the cycle. At six month, I felt it. Looking back, I got lost in internal panic.
I think all of us have common tendencies in our “internal panic.” As my wise mother would say, we have “well-worn cow paths of thought that take us quickly down a path without having to consciously think about it” until we wind up in a mental mess and really are not sure how we got there. One of my reoccurring thoughts (or well-worn cow paths) is “there has got to be more to life than this.” I am a very goal oriented person and if I am unable to figure out what the next step is, I panic. I scramble. I get internally lost. The result is making choices that do not line up with who I am and what I know I am called to.
I am not going to bore you with the details of what this last year or so has looked like in my panic mode. I do not have all the details of where this is headed but I am reclaiming the dream, picking up the torch of risk and going back to the world where I am called to be. I invite you to join me again we continue to discover what an amazing world this is.
“If you are intent on chasing a deep seeded dream God has planted in your life, chase with everything you have. If you get lost like I did, He has the ability and is faithful to bring you back on track.”
Adventure awaits. Let’s rise.
10 thoughts on “Reclaim and Rise”
God bless you Tara! You have always been a spiritual inspiration to me! I’m excited to go with you on this journey that Gid has all planned out for you! In Christ, Cheryl
Thank you Cheryl. I appreciate your encouragement! He’s such a good God, even when everything seems wrong!
Your writing is your gift Tara. I know what it’s like to feel lost, but in the midst of the tears and frustration is where God makes the most beautiful stories. Know your love and when milad and I look back, you were one of the most special memories of our first three years of marriage. I don’t just say this but, God must have let you do the trip for us. We needed you and the gift that you are. I’m not sure about your journey, but maybe coming alongside people and being there (I’m writing) or person is what God intends, you have always been a great traveler. But maybe it’s not just about getting there, it’s about the encouragement you bring with you for short seasons:) love you friend
You are so right Holly. Some of the most beautiful stories can come in the midst of our darkest times. You and Milad were certainly an unexpected highlight for me during my travels. I am blessed to have you in my life even after a couple years have passed! I look forward to seeing how He continues to build upon our relationship. Love you!!
Thanks for the update. After the bump into and go conversation at Festival a few weeks ago, I was hoping you were doing ok.
Life is FULL of ebbs and tides. Sometimes these take longer to cycle than others.
One of my favorites—
Carl Jung > Quotes > Quotable Quote
âLife really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.â
â Carl Jung
And being a little slow myself sometimes, I think I didnât hit stride with really believing what my soul told me until I turned 60. No regrets.
My hopes and prayers for your journey as I know you will continue to amaze yourself and others.
Thank you Pam! I appreciate your experience and words of wisdom. Over the years, you’ve continued to be encouraging whenever we talked. Thanks for being you!
What an encouraging blog !
Thank you Sherry!
Love this, Tara! So proud of you, excited for you, and glad you’re back! 🙂
Thank you Ellie! Thanks for always reading and commenting!!